THE PAIN WE FEEL……

Losing someone can have a toll on anyone, be it a friend or family member, it always comes like a shock. Sometimes it feels like our world came trembling down. It takes the grace of God to recover from some loses and at the end, we learn to cherish the memories we shared with them.

I was getting ready to go to the movies with my friends when I got a bbm notification, I didn’t want to chat so I called instead since it had been a while we had spoken. But the person that picked wasn’t her, it was her sister. There and then, I panicked and asked about my dear friend praying nothing was wrong. Her sister told me she wasn’t feeling well, I asked for the house address that I was going to the movies now and when I was done I would definitely drop by but was told to call when I was done because they might not be home cause they were contemplating taking her to the hospital.

That phone call kept replaying in my head, Why would my friend message me and immediately I call back, he sister picks up and tells me she is ill. I was tempted to cancel the movie and go see her but as usual I told myself well I could always see her after the movie (Never! Never underestimate your instincts). At the movies, the movie got delayed for more than an hour (technical issues). Again I was tempted to leave but every time I kept telling  myself I would still go after the movie. Finally the movie started and ended, I tried the number but it was switched off. Shit! How will i do this now, I didn’t have any other person’s number and I only knew the area where the house was but not the house.

I went home telling myself i will try again the next morning so I could go see her. Next morning, I wake up, say my prayer and open my phone to check bbm updates there written boldly was want I dreaded the most, RIP Semira! God knows how I prayed that morning when I saw that status, I prayed that let that Semira not be my dear friend, I refused to believe it could be her. Immediately I called a mutual friend. The pain that pierced my heart when she said it was her, I truly can’t begin to explain. I felt like I had let her down, I felt like she had called me to tell me how she was feeling and I ignored it. I found my way to her house that morning and I was told she had given up around 3.00am that morning. and as I was just getting there that was when they took her body to go lay to rest(Muslim traditions).

I later asked her sister how come she messaged me at of the blues, she told me she discovered we were chatting some weeks back and she hand’t replied me so she felt she should. People started talking about how she knew she was going to leave soon due to her twitter messages, I went to her timeline and read through. The messages I saw was of one who was going through so much pain, I still can’t believe how I missed them, how i never saw any of her messages all through her sickness. For a week I kept asking myself what if?, What if I had gone when I made that call, What if I had cancelled the movie, Would things have be different?… I will never know. Everyday I pray for her soul, I hold on to our memories, our talks of losing weight, getting married and starting a family. I remember our gwags struggles and every-time, I thank God for bringing such a friend to my life because even though her life was cut short, she definitely left a mark.

We have all lost someone who’s death has affected us in ways we never imagined, we cried and cried and asked so many questions why things had to be the way things were. Some of us have been so affected by a lose to the extent we completely shut out of life. I am not saying it is easy, It never is, all I am saying is we should learn to appreciate everything we have now, thank God everyday, live life and be at peace with yourself and most of all stay happy because nobody knows what tomorrow holds so start appreciating today.

May the souls of all the faithful departed continue to rest in peace.

XOXO
Tracy

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