Have you ever found yourself in that awkward relationship situation where you just want to scream your lungs out. Today’s post is about that and I most admit i’ve been a victim. Getting over a relationship is harder than one can imagine. It might be a month, months, year or even years but that pain is always there. The minute you let go and let God take control, everything begins to fall in place.
“I think (this has been 80% proven by me :D) most relationships are doomed when those thoughts start to creep into your head. Is he cheating? Does he still find me attractive? Does she love me as much as she says she does? Who’s that guy she spends so much time with? Why don’t we talk as much as we do? Most times when this happens, we don’t actually “talk” to our partners about it. We either nag or keep it ourselves. Nobody in love wants to feel that distance or void in the relationship. Recognizing that there are problems is the first step toward finding out what you need to do address these problems and nurture your relationship out of troubled waters. (Unless you are paranoid and just like nagging, then this isn’t for you). Mine started little by little but I noticed it immediately cos (let’s say my boyfriend’s name is Mr D). Mr D and I were always talking. We could spend 2 hours on the phone and still have a lot of things to say. We would talk about anything and everything. So when I called or he called and our conversations became vague, I knew there was a problem!!! (HELP!!!).
Don’t get me wrong there were other little signs. I used to enjoy our conversations (a whole lot!) so I think that was my biggest challenge. How would he have known how I felt if we didn’t communicate like we used to. I fell under the “keeping quiet” group. I didn’t nag (I hate when people do that plus it depicts weakness and that’s not me). Mr D was going through a lot at the time and couldn’t share because it involved me. Imagine how devastated I felt!
As the gap between Mr D and I increased I began to panic!! Who wouldn’t? I felt trapped because I didn’t know the cause of the problem (I’m Pisces so I get quite emotional about matters of the heart!) Mr D filled a void that nobody had ever filled so this was really difficult for me. When I had conversations about him to my friends, I referred to him as my soul mate! (However I think some people have more than one of those! Some of us have ten sef! Lol)
One day my friend calls me and tells me Mr D called her to explain. Before she even started, my heart was already beating louder than a drum. Mr D was feeling really down and needed to talk to someone and at that point she was the only one who would have understood (not me his girlfriend *straight face*) That’s one of the mistakes couples make by the way!! If you have a problem with your partner, tell them!! Discussing your problems to a friend or friends, doesn’t solve the problem . It just brings your dirty linen outside and nobody wants that. No matter how close you are to the friend keep your relationship problems to yourself. You’re free to talk about anything to your friends. Just leave your personal problems out of that discussion. Its ok to have secrets. You’re the one wearing the shoes, so you know where it hurts. So fix your problems by talking to your partner about it!!! (Advice 101 class! You all have to pay me for this o! You won’t hear this anywhere else. Kindly request for my account number in the comment section :D) Ok so back to the story. He explained to her that his cousin who hooked us up went to the family and told them bad things about me. According to him, he didn’t believe them but because the family was involved, the situation became complicated. Hmmmm!! People of God imagine o! So she didn’t know this when she was playing cupid??? People are wicked o! This is the type of girl Falz was talking about in that karashika song! The family believed the lies and told him to keep away from me. By the time I heard this, the damage had already been done. His family didn’t like me anymore and there was nothing he could do about it. Plus he was already detaching himself from me. What pained me the most was that the “man” whom I loved so much couldn’t even stand up to defend me! Aren’t men supposed to be bold? Isn’t that one of the things that makes you a man? He didn’t even have the guts to tell me! I had to hear it from a friend!! Did he think she wouldn’t tell me? When I discussed this with people, some agreed with me, while some felt it wasn’t as easy as it seemed. Please readers, what is your opinion about this? I would like to know. Even when I heard this, I still kept quiet. I didn’t say anything to him. I didn’t nag. When we talked, I felt like screaming out my mind to him! The silence was killing me slowly and making me paranoid. I couldn’t afford to lose him. I read all the blogs and websites, looking for a solution, I tried almost everything they suggested but nothing. I started looking desperate! I decided to try one more and if it didn’t work I would give up and pack what was left of my pride and move on (plenty fish in the sea!) One blogger however advised that when all had been done and there was no change, the person needs to give his/her partner space. While the estranged partner did that, he/she is advised to engage in activities that would take their mind off the issues. And I did just that!
In doing that I discovered myself. I made a promise to myself not to ever allow myself to feel that way again. No woman needs to go through all that for a man, in my opinion. You just end up looking like a cheap girl with no self esteem! So I picked myself up, like the queen I was raised to be, dusted my crown and kept my head up high! From that moment I became my radiant! My friends thought Mr D and I were back together! Lmao! (like that’s the only reason I could be happy!) By this time, we had stopped our regular phone calls. Our conversations were very brief and I wasn’t bothered anymore. One day, Mr D called me and as we were talking, he wanted to start a very silly argument (as far as I’m concerned), before he could go further I told him (in my “calmest” voice) that I knew everything and understood why he had been acting up. I told him I expected that he would open up and tell me what was going on and I thought it was best we stopped talking. With that, I said goodbye and ended the call.
When is the right time to move on? A lot of people have come up with various guidelines for moving on. But the truth is there are no simple step-by-step instructions for knowing when it’s time to move on. Surely there are signs. But the most important is that small knowing voice within that says something isn’t right, and it can’t be fixed. It may never be easy to admit this. Endings always lead to uncertainty, and that can be terrifying. But they also come with new beginnings, and new opportunities for relationships that don’t leave us feeling depleted and defeated. How do we know when it’s time to move on? It’s when we find the courage to be honest with ourselves and acknowledge that staying will do more harm than good. We’re the only ones who can admit this to ourselves. And we’re the only ones who can change our lives for the better by finding the strength to walk away. I’m happy I found the courage to be truthful to myself. Have you found that courage?
Post not written by me but an Anonymous writer who we appreciate her for it.