MY MOTHER! MY MENTOR!!

There’s this Bbm social group I belong to “shout out to cruisers” ✌. So weekly We’re tasked to do something and this week we were tasked to write about our mentor. Th​is task pushed me to write a little article about my own mentor on this platform. Even though this isn’t half of how she has inspired me to strive to be a better person but it is just an insight to it.

​My mother, my rock, my best friend, my number one cheerleader. My mother has to be my number one mentor, her strength amazes me, the way she carries herself even in tough situations I can’t begin to put it together.  Being a single mother for 21 years and keeping it all intact. A lot of people expected her to fail but she never did. She always held it together. 

Sometimes we would be home with just N5 in the whole house but you’ll never know because she made it a duty to have the house stocked with enough food. I remember in 2004 when she fell ill. I thought I was going to lose her. We share the same birthday. The best gift God has given me. This particular birthday, in her ill state my mum came all the way just to spend that birthday with me. I remember her sitting under the tree. The slimmest I’ve ever seen my mother. With a cake next to her just to wish me a happy birthday. I tried to hold myself together from breaking down because, I knew I had to be her strength at this challenging time. When I went back to my class. I cried so much that day and I begged God to keep this woman long enough to enjoy the fruit of her labour. 

My mother has the kindest of heart, sometimes too kind to a fault but who am I to complain, that’s who she is. And as much as I hate to admit it sometimes, it has rubbed off on me. Looking deeper, it has opened doors of opportunities I have never imagined. My mum can go hungry just so the next person can be satisfied. Even with all the disappointments and ungrateful attitude she has received, she has remained the same kind hearted woman.

With all these qualities, I begin to wonder who can be a mentor to me than this woman who has sacrificed so much not just for me as an only child, but for so many others who aren’t even related.


Everyone has that one person that inspires and motivates them to be a better person. I feel we should all find time to appreciate that person. That appreciation can always go a long way.

Xoxo

Tracy

Advertisements

SELF-WORTH….

Self-respect is the most crucial aspect of one’s life. If you do not know how to appreciate yourself and your worth, how do you expect others to appreciate you? Life is too short to maintain toxic relationships and surround yourself with negativity and self pity. In order to stay happy and flourish, you need to work on yourself first. You need to appreciate yourself and know your worth. Everyone is important. Everyone has that one thing their good at. You might see someone today and think that person is useless, trust me there’s something he/she is worth. Something he/she is good at. They just haven’t understood it yet.

You and only you are responsible for your fate. Life is no fun if you spend it hating and putting yourself down; this attitude only slows any progress you hope to make. Once your confidence is up, you will stop making the terrible mistake of comparing yourself to others. You will begin to appreciate yourself. You will already be comfortable and happy with who you are. You will begin to realise how much you are worth and stop accepting whatever is thrown at you that is unecceptable with you.

I remember a movie I watched. “The Help” this two year old Mae Mobley leefolt was always neglected and physically and verbally abused by her mother Elizabeth Leefolt. But her maid Aibileen Clark made it her duty to teach her self worth and make her realise how important she was. One of her words got my complete attention and keeps playing in my head anytime I feel less of myself. ” you are kind, you are smart, you are important.” To me, these are the mother of all self worth words that when said with believe can take you out of any negative mood.

When you love yourself, you take pride in who you are and what you have to offer. Too many people place the needs of others before their own, but in order to respect others, you need to meet your own needs first. You need to be happy with yourself. How can you truly learn to appreciate others if you can’t even appreciate yourself? If you can’t even stay happy?. Appreciating yourself and realizing your self worth is a fundamental key to happiness. Start from today to imbibe the habit to appreciate yourself. Before you leave the house tell yourself how beautiful and important you are. Take a day in a month to spoil yourself, don’t wait for someone. Know your worth and learn not to settle for less. Let go of that thing or person dragging you back and making you feel less about who you are. and most importantly, pray and believe in God because he is the true key to happiness.

Xoxo

Tracy Dabul.

NOT BROKEN BUT BREAKING THROUGH….

There will always be days like these. Always. Days when you’re tired, tired of everything and everyone around you. Days you just feel like switching off, crawling underneath your skin and forgetting about this whole catastrophic cantankerous world. 

Sadly this feeling isn’t happening to me alone. I know a lot of people out there have this moments. Today is too much. Yesterday was more than enough. Tomorrow you just don’t want to know. You feel completely broken. Everything seems to be against you. All of nature’s elements lean in to watch while you struggle to breathe as the excruciating emotions clouds you and you begin to feel like you’re suffocating. At that moment it feels easier to give up and stay under the covers, rather than stepping over the weighted moments that torments you. But trust me, it isn’t easier, the longer you stay this way the harder it gets to blow the dense clouds that have gathered around you out of harms way. Although you may have received a few cracks and setbacks, you are definitely not broken. The world would be dark at times, but there is far more light if you are willing to open your eyes and let it in.

You might have involved yourself with someone who twisted your love or foolishly mistook your vulnerability for weakness, you might have made wrong choices that left you completely ashamed of yourself. You feel completely useless and broken. STOP IT!. You are more than that loss, that rejection, or the aggression and resentment that someone showed. You are human and you are prone to mistakes. You are more than your grief or your insecurities or your fear of being abandoned again. You are more than every outrageous experience that has ever happened to you; you are limitless and you haven’t even tapped in to your full potential. So do not let whatever has happened so far define you, as every new encounter is an experience and a lesson. Instead, let it push you to be a better person. You will always rise up wiser and stronger no matter how weakened you feel at that period. Parts of your life’s journey may be irreparable, but you are resilient and although you may sway and bend, you will never break. Even when people do things that hurt every fiber of your being, and you bruise and ache due to the excruciating pain from the cruelty that freeze you to the bone, as soon as your passion for life rages inside, you will quickly thaw out.

Existing on this planet can be harsh at times but the burning flame inside you to be someone great will give you the zeal to push on. Your fire is strong, It has been glowing for years so it’s not going to quit on you now. You have to keep moving however rough the road gets. Shake up and awaken yourself. Put up the fight of your life and search for missing pieces. You won’t need to look far as you are not lost, just wondering a little off track. Be aware that there is someone specifically out there who needs you more than you know. More importantly you need you. You may not realize this right now, but I promise you, you are an important vessel to the earth, if not you won’t still be on it.

Over a couple of days, I’ve been feeling completely down cast, I’ve been feeling like the weight on me was just too much. I just wanted to be left alone, be in my own space away from all the chaos.  I felt like something was clogging my chest, something was holding me so tight breathing was so difficult.  One day, in that dark room, all alone I poured out my heart to God. I let it all out. With Steve Crown’s “we wait on you” playing. I believed ever word. Who said songs don’t speak wonders. I found myself crying so uncontrollable but I didn’t mind, after all I was talking to the only person who totally understood. 

After that prayer, some kind of relief overshadowed my body. That suffocating feeling wasn’t there so much anymore. I felt deep down everything would be okay. Everything will fall into place.  At that moment I was 100% sure I was not broken. But only breaking through……


Xoxo

Tracy D.

 

THE SECRET TO STAYING HAPPY…

Someone once told me “Tracy, if you don’t want to be moving around all glummy you need to learn to lower your expections about people. You need to realise not everyone will treat you as nice or go that extra mile for you the way you will for them.” 

Hearing those words was like a switch had gone off in my head. I won’t say I wasn’t aware of this before, I mean as a kid I remember always crying to my mum anytime I was let down by this one person I so much believed in. I remember her always trying to make me look at the brighter side of things, next minute I was back into that high expectation mood doing everything just to get noticed and appreciated. But for some funny reason, this conversation just opened my eyes way more than I would have ever imagined. I guess being older could have been one of the reasons or the fact I was just super tired of the disappointments from friends and family. So there and then, I decided to expect less from people. If I couldn’t handle their behaviour towards me, I’ll just focus on people that shared my views or at least close to what I understood friendship and family bond to mean.

If you do not have expectations, you can never be disappointed. Often we tend to believe that the way we treat others will be the way we are treated in return. But unfortunately, this does not always happen. 

You need to make sure you enter into relationships with someone who has as big of a heart as you do. You need to learn to be open to what ever family tries to throw at you. If you do not, you may feel as if you are being taken advantage of or are being shortchanged and unappreciated. You need to surround yourself with people who appreciate what you do for them and who will reciprocate these actions.
One of the biggest challenges we face in life is learning to accept people for who they truly are. Once you realize that your expectations cannot change people, the better off you will be. We’re happier to accept other people’s difficult behaviors when we expect less from them. Stop expecting other people to act exactly as you would like them to—it’s a game you’re guaranteed to lose. Instead, try being open to any and all reactions from others.

The moment you reduce your expectations and have an open mind to everything, that moment you start to feel some level of comfort and begin to accept everything and everyone’s behaviour without feeling completely cheated and used. Never think because they are family they ought to treat you better or because you both have come a long way or have known the longest of time. Sometimes friends are worth every stress than family, same way the newest of friends turn out to be the truest of them all.

Xoxo

Tracy.

DIARY OF A CONFUSED BLACK GIRL

So I’m sitting here wondering what point exactly my life turned upside down. One moment I’m in total control of my life, having a good time and just enjoying life in general and the next moment I’m 6 weeks pregnant for a guy that’s barely talking to me. How did it happen? When did it happen? Why me? What did I do to deserve this? All I wanted was to be happy. All I wanted was to love and be loved. I was finally happy. My mind was at peace and I thought I had met the one. We had the most amazing times together. He seemed  like the perfect guy. Thoughtful, gentle, well mannered, God fearing ( I mean the man knows the Bible well), romantic, etc! The list goes on and on! He checked the right boxes! I was happy.
I came out of an immature relationship about 8 months before so meeting him made me feel like a real woman! Before him, I told people I wasn’t ready to date. I barely even met guys during that time and the few I met were the most immature, disrespectful men I had ever met! ( Simply put, fuck boys!!!) So you wouldn’t blame me for falling in love with this man. Don’t get me wrong he wasn’t perfect! We had our “chicken fights” practically all the time. But the way we settled them was so mature and loving! (I’m sorry! I know I’ve used the word mature quite a lot! But can you blame me? If you dated half the men I have dated, you probably would use the word twice as more than I have! LOL!). I was totally enjoying this new thing God had brought to me! I was already planning marriage. My mum had started getting anxious for her daughter to settle down. And finally I was excited for her to meet this man that put the widest smile on my face! How, when and why it changed I really do not know. I’m still in shock! It happened so fast! As if I didn’t have enough to think about, I realized I was six weeks pregnant!! Should I blame myself for this? Or would anyone else have made the same mistake I made if they were in my shoes?! I’m angry with myself! How did this happen? How did it end up this way? How did my love story become my nightmare? Why did my Prince Charming change? Was it something I did? Everything seemed so normal. There was no sign whatsoever that something was wrong. So what happened? Is there someone else? I’m losing my mind here with all these questions! I have more questions than answers!! What do I do? Do I keep the baby?

I love children. I can’t wait to have mine. But I would rather have them the right way! My parents will be so disappointed!.. Shit! I would have felt way better if he wasn’t acting strange. If I had him to console me! I told him I was pregnant last night and he asked, “So what are we going to do about it?” (More questions! *rolls eyes*) I told him I wasn’t sure. That my mind seemed to be leaning towards keeping it. Then he goes, he had no problem having a child but I had mentioned earlier I wasn’t going to have a baby before marriage cos of my family and all. “Well that was before I had a seed growing inside me,” I answered. Throughout the conversation he made sure to remind me that I wasn’t ready for this. Just what I need, more confusion! Trying to make me change my mind! So he doesn’t look like the bad one.

Any time I start to think bout this whole mess, my heart starts to beat hard! My chest hurts! Sometimes it feels like I can’t breathe. Where did it all go wrong? I ask again, how did we get to this stage?. Even with everything going on I still can’t change the impression I have about him. He is still that kind and gentle man I’ve always known. But u can’t help but wonder why the sudden change. Did I do something wrong? Was it me? How do I get my man back please? I don’t want anyone else! Or am I foolish to still want him? (You see how confused I am right now? A man just stopped talking and went completely cold without warning and I still want him) shit! I think I’m beginning to lose it. I need all the help I can get! When I pray I feel God isn’t hearing me. My sins must be preventing Him from hearing me! I pray all the time bout it. But I think I’m beginning to lose hope. Have you ever felt that way before? How did you come out of it? HELP ME PLEASE

Xoxo

Anonymous

P.s: article wasn’t written by me.

A YOUNG LADY’S JOURNEY AFTER MARRIAGE…..

I’ve known her for a while now, a humble and down to earth lady who I’ve always admired. So when my last post came up, she reached out about how almost wonderful my post was but I had forgotten the one most important thing “God”. I couldn’t but agree more. So I told her to please write a post for us. Her response was about what? And I said “tell us how you’ve managed to put it all together so far, how God has helped you through it all. Coming from a pampered background and straight into marriage. Help us learn from you” my blog is about “being heard”, I want the world to be able to hear what we all have to say cause we all have something deep down we want to share. So  when she agreed to write this piece and asked to be anonymous and of cause for a good and educative story, stay as anonymous as you want and God bless you for sharing. Hope you all learn from what she has written so far cause I sure did. Enjoy

Xoxo

Tracy.

It’s all a summary, I don’t want to bore you with too much information, yes am a Christian and this is tailored in that direction.

This is baby milk, if I give you strong bone, una go talk say my own too much! More to learn in my lesson learnt below.

Coming from a wealthy background I would have thought mehn all would be rosy rosy! Little did I know!! 

In all things, I thank God, his Mercies endureth forever. His Grace and Goodness! Superb God.

After getting married, I had to move abroad with my husband, no job, just a husband to live in a room in a shared accommodation. My o my! It wasn’t easy. 

My dad I thought would care enough to want to know how we were doing didn’t even ask about all that information. In-fact, years into my marriage now, my dad has never given me 1kobo. One would think with how colorful my wedding was, and being a daddy’s girl, I’ll be getting all that daddy comfort after marriage.

Tension started building up not just money issue but teething marriage issues. I almost gave up, but I was definite I married the bone of my bone because my God gave me go ahead! My God is the only sure person for me. I ran back to him in prayers. 
What God can do, no man can do it. I have learnt to trust in him, his timing might not be my timing but his timing is best. So believing in God, I kept moving and hoping everything would fall into place. Little did I know I had taken in, wow! I didn’t want to have a baby yet, least not till I’m well settled with a job and better accommodation. 

My husband applied for a promotion at work, I applied for a job too. We both got it! God is so faithful, I resumed afterwards. The amazing fact was if I had resumed work any earlier, I won’t have been able to go to work as the first trimester of that pregnancy was me in and out of the hospital. 

God is good, all the time!!. I enjoy God! Time in his presence is awesome! Can’t be comparable to anything.

Few months later, we moved to a 4 bedroom apartment, big kitchen ehn! I love beautiful big kitchens! God surprised us on all grounds. 

Lessons I Learnt.. 

Marry the right person with directions from God. If you don’t hear from God personally, get spiritual fathers who you know and are sure have the backing of God to pray along with you.

Never marry for money, the wealthy one today might not be wealthy all through life. Some people are late starters in life, you never know. At the same time, it might be God’s plan for you to marry a wealthy person but whatever, let God lead you.

Marry a guy with prospects! Someone who speaks intelligently and not the one all about the worldly things.

Trust God only. Man can disappoint you! Be it your siblings, Father, Mother, etc 

Humble beginnings! I love it! Don’t try to be what you are not, don’t try to impress, don’t try to be big. There are stages in life! Go accordingly.

Protect your nuclear family, once married your parents, siblings become Extended family. Be patient, long-suffering another virtue to Armour yourself with! Slow to speak! Its not easy at all but God would make it easy. 

Lastly, I am still learning! 

Xoxo

Anonymous

MY THOUGHTS….


Deep in thoughts thinking about life and how tough it can be. I seat and think of how it was growing up, never having to bother about anything cause mum and dad did that. All I had to do was get good grades and live life. Teenage age creeps in and I’m feeling all ready to take on the world. In my head I’ve analyzed everything. “The perfect picture” now all is left is for the maturity to set in fully. Passing through secondary feels like a never ending journey but thankfully its over after 6 long years. Then comes the university part were I now feel like I belong, but I’m still eager to get it over with and be classified that “big girl”.

If only I knew, I won’t have been in such a haste I say to myself most times when I’m alone deep in thought. Done with school life is definitely not as rossy as I imagined, everything feels like a struggle to get and sometimes feels like things falling “apart” instead of “in place”. I begin to wonder if I’m the only one feeling this way, conversations with people around me make me realise that actually people are going through a whole lot, they might look so put together and happy but deep down they’re fighting what seems like an unending battle of life.

Now everything seems to be falling into place, I’m finally beginning to understand. I finally see what everyone around me who has and still adding one way or the other to my life growth had to go through. There’s now a bigger feel of appreciation.

Life isn’t as simple as I thought after all, the only reason I felt so was because people made so much sacrifices just to see me happy. Life isn’t a bed of roses where what ever you want you get on a platter. You have to work hard to get things done and get that platter served to your taste. Life is complicated and full of challenges, but with determination and believe, you will pull through. And most importantly, life is very short. So enjoy it while you can by doing things that make you happy, cause happiness is the only way to pass through this journey called life.

Xoxo

Tracy