THE SECRET TO STAYING HAPPY…

Someone once told me “Tracy, if you don’t want to be moving around all glummy you need to learn to lower your expections about people. You need to realise not everyone will treat you as nice or go that extra mile for you the way you will for them.” 

Hearing those words was like a switch had gone off in my head. I won’t say I wasn’t aware of this before, I mean as a kid I remember always crying to my mum anytime I was let down by this one person I so much believed in. I remember her always trying to make me look at the brighter side of things, next minute I was back into that high expectation mood doing everything just to get noticed and appreciated. But for some funny reason, this conversation just opened my eyes way more than I would have ever imagined. I guess being older could have been one of the reasons or the fact I was just super tired of the disappointments from friends and family. So there and then, I decided to expect less from people. If I couldn’t handle their behaviour towards me, I’ll just focus on people that shared my views or at least close to what I understood friendship and family bond to mean.

If you do not have expectations, you can never be disappointed. Often we tend to believe that the way we treat others will be the way we are treated in return. But unfortunately, this does not always happen. 

You need to make sure you enter into relationships with someone who has as big of a heart as you do. You need to learn to be open to what ever family tries to throw at you. If you do not, you may feel as if you are being taken advantage of or are being shortchanged and unappreciated. You need to surround yourself with people who appreciate what you do for them and who will reciprocate these actions.
One of the biggest challenges we face in life is learning to accept people for who they truly are. Once you realize that your expectations cannot change people, the better off you will be. We’re happier to accept other people’s difficult behaviors when we expect less from them. Stop expecting other people to act exactly as you would like them to—it’s a game you’re guaranteed to lose. Instead, try being open to any and all reactions from others.

The moment you reduce your expectations and have an open mind to everything, that moment you start to feel some level of comfort and begin to accept everything and everyone’s behaviour without feeling completely cheated and used. Never think because they are family they ought to treat you better or because you both have come a long way or have known the longest of time. Sometimes friends are worth every stress than family, same way the newest of friends turn out to be the truest of them all.

Xoxo

Tracy.

DIARY OF A CONFUSED BLACK GIRL

So I’m sitting here wondering what point exactly my life turned upside down. One moment I’m in total control of my life, having a good time and just enjoying life in general and the next moment I’m 6 weeks pregnant for a guy that’s barely talking to me. How did it happen? When did it happen? Why me? What did I do to deserve this? All I wanted was to be happy. All I wanted was to love and be loved. I was finally happy. My mind was at peace and I thought I had met the one. We had the most amazing times together. He seemed  like the perfect guy. Thoughtful, gentle, well mannered, God fearing ( I mean the man knows the Bible well), romantic, etc! The list goes on and on! He checked the right boxes! I was happy.
I came out of an immature relationship about 8 months before so meeting him made me feel like a real woman! Before him, I told people I wasn’t ready to date. I barely even met guys during that time and the few I met were the most immature, disrespectful men I had ever met! ( Simply put, fuck boys!!!) So you wouldn’t blame me for falling in love with this man. Don’t get me wrong he wasn’t perfect! We had our “chicken fights” practically all the time. But the way we settled them was so mature and loving! (I’m sorry! I know I’ve used the word mature quite a lot! But can you blame me? If you dated half the men I have dated, you probably would use the word twice as more than I have! LOL!). I was totally enjoying this new thing God had brought to me! I was already planning marriage. My mum had started getting anxious for her daughter to settle down. And finally I was excited for her to meet this man that put the widest smile on my face! How, when and why it changed I really do not know. I’m still in shock! It happened so fast! As if I didn’t have enough to think about, I realized I was six weeks pregnant!! Should I blame myself for this? Or would anyone else have made the same mistake I made if they were in my shoes?! I’m angry with myself! How did this happen? How did it end up this way? How did my love story become my nightmare? Why did my Prince Charming change? Was it something I did? Everything seemed so normal. There was no sign whatsoever that something was wrong. So what happened? Is there someone else? I’m losing my mind here with all these questions! I have more questions than answers!! What do I do? Do I keep the baby?

I love children. I can’t wait to have mine. But I would rather have them the right way! My parents will be so disappointed!.. Shit! I would have felt way better if he wasn’t acting strange. If I had him to console me! I told him I was pregnant last night and he asked, “So what are we going to do about it?” (More questions! *rolls eyes*) I told him I wasn’t sure. That my mind seemed to be leaning towards keeping it. Then he goes, he had no problem having a child but I had mentioned earlier I wasn’t going to have a baby before marriage cos of my family and all. “Well that was before I had a seed growing inside me,” I answered. Throughout the conversation he made sure to remind me that I wasn’t ready for this. Just what I need, more confusion! Trying to make me change my mind! So he doesn’t look like the bad one.

Any time I start to think bout this whole mess, my heart starts to beat hard! My chest hurts! Sometimes it feels like I can’t breathe. Where did it all go wrong? I ask again, how did we get to this stage?. Even with everything going on I still can’t change the impression I have about him. He is still that kind and gentle man I’ve always known. But u can’t help but wonder why the sudden change. Did I do something wrong? Was it me? How do I get my man back please? I don’t want anyone else! Or am I foolish to still want him? (You see how confused I am right now? A man just stopped talking and went completely cold without warning and I still want him) shit! I think I’m beginning to lose it. I need all the help I can get! When I pray I feel God isn’t hearing me. My sins must be preventing Him from hearing me! I pray all the time bout it. But I think I’m beginning to lose hope. Have you ever felt that way before? How did you come out of it? HELP ME PLEASE

Xoxo

Anonymous

P.s: article wasn’t written by me.

A YOUNG LADY’S JOURNEY AFTER MARRIAGE…..

I’ve known her for a while now, a humble and down to earth lady who I’ve always admired. So when my last post came up, she reached out about how almost wonderful my post was but I had forgotten the one most important thing “God”. I couldn’t but agree more. So I told her to please write a post for us. Her response was about what? And I said “tell us how you’ve managed to put it all together so far, how God has helped you through it all. Coming from a pampered background and straight into marriage. Help us learn from you” my blog is about “being heard”, I want the world to be able to hear what we all have to say cause we all have something deep down we want to share. So  when she agreed to write this piece and asked to be anonymous and of cause for a good and educative story, stay as anonymous as you want and God bless you for sharing. Hope you all learn from what she has written so far cause I sure did. Enjoy

Xoxo

Tracy.

It’s all a summary, I don’t want to bore you with too much information, yes am a Christian and this is tailored in that direction.

This is baby milk, if I give you strong bone, una go talk say my own too much! More to learn in my lesson learnt below.

Coming from a wealthy background I would have thought mehn all would be rosy rosy! Little did I know!! 

In all things, I thank God, his Mercies endureth forever. His Grace and Goodness! Superb God.

After getting married, I had to move abroad with my husband, no job, just a husband to live in a room in a shared accommodation. My o my! It wasn’t easy. 

My dad I thought would care enough to want to know how we were doing didn’t even ask about all that information. In-fact, years into my marriage now, my dad has never given me 1kobo. One would think with how colorful my wedding was, and being a daddy’s girl, I’ll be getting all that daddy comfort after marriage.

Tension started building up not just money issue but teething marriage issues. I almost gave up, but I was definite I married the bone of my bone because my God gave me go ahead! My God is the only sure person for me. I ran back to him in prayers. 
What God can do, no man can do it. I have learnt to trust in him, his timing might not be my timing but his timing is best. So believing in God, I kept moving and hoping everything would fall into place. Little did I know I had taken in, wow! I didn’t want to have a baby yet, least not till I’m well settled with a job and better accommodation. 

My husband applied for a promotion at work, I applied for a job too. We both got it! God is so faithful, I resumed afterwards. The amazing fact was if I had resumed work any earlier, I won’t have been able to go to work as the first trimester of that pregnancy was me in and out of the hospital. 

God is good, all the time!!. I enjoy God! Time in his presence is awesome! Can’t be comparable to anything.

Few months later, we moved to a 4 bedroom apartment, big kitchen ehn! I love beautiful big kitchens! God surprised us on all grounds. 

Lessons I Learnt.. 

Marry the right person with directions from God. If you don’t hear from God personally, get spiritual fathers who you know and are sure have the backing of God to pray along with you.

Never marry for money, the wealthy one today might not be wealthy all through life. Some people are late starters in life, you never know. At the same time, it might be God’s plan for you to marry a wealthy person but whatever, let God lead you.

Marry a guy with prospects! Someone who speaks intelligently and not the one all about the worldly things.

Trust God only. Man can disappoint you! Be it your siblings, Father, Mother, etc 

Humble beginnings! I love it! Don’t try to be what you are not, don’t try to impress, don’t try to be big. There are stages in life! Go accordingly.

Protect your nuclear family, once married your parents, siblings become Extended family. Be patient, long-suffering another virtue to Armour yourself with! Slow to speak! Its not easy at all but God would make it easy. 

Lastly, I am still learning! 

Xoxo

Anonymous

MY THOUGHTS….


Deep in thoughts thinking about life and how tough it can be. I seat and think of how it was growing up, never having to bother about anything cause mum and dad did that. All I had to do was get good grades and live life. Teenage age creeps in and I’m feeling all ready to take on the world. In my head I’ve analyzed everything. “The perfect picture” now all is left is for the maturity to set in fully. Passing through secondary feels like a never ending journey but thankfully its over after 6 long years. Then comes the university part were I now feel like I belong, but I’m still eager to get it over with and be classified that “big girl”.

If only I knew, I won’t have been in such a haste I say to myself most times when I’m alone deep in thought. Done with school life is definitely not as rossy as I imagined, everything feels like a struggle to get and sometimes feels like things falling “apart” instead of “in place”. I begin to wonder if I’m the only one feeling this way, conversations with people around me make me realise that actually people are going through a whole lot, they might look so put together and happy but deep down they’re fighting what seems like an unending battle of life.

Now everything seems to be falling into place, I’m finally beginning to understand. I finally see what everyone around me who has and still adding one way or the other to my life growth had to go through. There’s now a bigger feel of appreciation.

Life isn’t as simple as I thought after all, the only reason I felt so was because people made so much sacrifices just to see me happy. Life isn’t a bed of roses where what ever you want you get on a platter. You have to work hard to get things done and get that platter served to your taste. Life is complicated and full of challenges, but with determination and believe, you will pull through. And most importantly, life is very short. So enjoy it while you can by doing things that make you happy, cause happiness is the only way to pass through this journey called life.

Xoxo

Tracy

A SEASON OF LOVE….

A friend of mine told me of how she was having a charity event were she was going to get materials and sew Christmas dresses for a hundred children in a rural settlement. She asked us to come help out, typical me I couldn’t imagine driving or even taking a taxi from Surulere all the way to Ikeja on a Sunday when I’m meant to be resting. She challenged me, this is a lady who’s house got burnt down, everything her family owned was burnt to ashes. She had taken funds to sit down and sew clothes for 50 kids and all she needed was hands to help with the distribution and here I was making flimsy excuses about whether or not to go, thinking about the blazing hot sun and the distance. I covered my face in shame and ordered that lazy spirit to depart from me then I got my friends involved. 

This is the season of showing love and in this our present situation, the smallest gesture of love is all we need. So immediately after church, I greeted the important people I needed to greet and off we went to lend our support. Less than half way into our trip, the unthinkable happened. My car’s fan belt chose that minute to pack up….. shot! I struggled with the stiff steering and parked safely home. This wasn’t going to stop me, hell no! I had made up my mind to go and going was I definitely going to. So I logged on to my uber app, surge HA! devil is a liar. Time was running out, surge was going higher.wallet wasn’t too buoyant but all I knew was I was going for the charity drive. So I asked my friend if she was still interested to being a part and of course she jumped at the opportunity. So we headed to the busstop to try and get which ever means of transportation we could afford. This rickety cab stopped; not minding how unclean and rugged it looked, we priced and off we went to our destination.

Getting to the location “monkey village” as its called, was a total surprise, who would have thought a place like this exist in the heart of Ikeja, Lagos capital.

At the entrance of the settlement, we were welcomed by some hard faced looking boys who were smoking, too scared to bring out our phones to call for directions, we kept moving till we saw a lady who’s face didn’t look so hard and she was nice enough to direct us to where the sharing was going on. So holding on close, bag well tucked under our armpits we headed to the location.

 The number of kids I saw, the number of clothes she made, the food, drinks all placed to put smiles on their faces blew my mind away. She had budgeted 50 clothes but ended up making 100. Impressed is an understatement; I was totally proud and happy to be associated with someone with such a heart. 

In this period of recession where everyone seems so vulnerable, a lady who a few months ago lost everything she had in less than two hours go through so much just to see others happy was just too encouraging. It was like a challenge to me and I’m believing to everyone of us. Looking at the community, how dirty and unkept it was, then hearing they get tormented by crocodiles sent chills down my body. I couldn’t help but thank God for everything he’s been doing in my life and that of my family.

This experience opened my eyes to a whole lot, it has showed me that we don’t have to have the world to show a little act of love to those who don’t have nothing at all and people around us. We should learn to always appreciate what we have cause there are people out there who have little  or nothing at all. Last but not the least a little act of kindness can change a whole lot than we can ever imagine. In this Christmas season I employ us all to come together to keep the flame of love burning cause with the many tragic news and problems happening around us, love is the only sustaining factor that’ll help keep us moving on. And for everyone who has gone out of their way to show love and put a smile on someone’s face, I say a big THANK YOU and God bless.

Xoxo

Tracy

LIFE INDEED IS TOO SHORT….

Today was a sad reminder of how short life truly is, seeing a lady that has always been so full of life now so helpless and gone was so heart wrecking. I looked at the kids she left behind, even though a little grown I still felt their pain, no one deserved to lose their parents especially when they hadn’t gotten the chance to enjoy the fruits of their labour and now orphaned having lost their father

image six years ago from almost the same circumstance. Was so saddening.

Replaying all the times I was privileged to spend with her brought a little calm to my heart even though the pain of how instantly she left still weakened me. It brought back memories of friends and family I had lost so far, I remembered speaking to some today and next day they were no more. I remembered how their passing affected me and how I learnt to deal with that void.

 and once again I thanked God for every experience I had with them.image

We currently live in a world of increasing hatred, harrowing violence, and startling intolerance. A world were people spite each other, stay trying to bring the other down at every opportunity.

imageI wish people could just get along and see beyond trifling differences. I wish everyone, including myself, could live life to the fullest every day, embrace the opportunity we have and appreciate everything and everyone around us.

I hope that after reading this, you take a pause from your busy day. I hope you discount your urge to complain about trivial things. I hope you employ a larger perspective toward life, surround yourself with positivity, let go of all that guard, focus more on things  and people that make you happy.

It may sound cliché, but life indeed is too short.

Xoxo
Tracy

A QUICK REMINDER

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Life is full of surprises and different events. A lot of controllable ones and very few controllable. Something happens that tend to change our look on life and the things around us, sometimes its the stories we hear, book we read or movies we watch. It takes us on a journey of rediscovery and total recheck of our lives, what we are doing that isn’t right and what better way to make right our wrongs.

We’ve all made mistakes. We’ve all done things we regret. Or we haven’t done things and we regret not acting. We’ve all failed to step up, or step in, or show support, or lend an ear or shoulder..

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Maybe you feel you’ve moved past it. Maybe you feel the other person has moved past it, too, no matter how much time has passed, it still colors every subsequent interaction. Say you’re sorry. Don’t go I’m sorry with plenty explanations, just apologize and mean it. Take that bold step and do what is right. Make things right with everyone cause life is too short.

Everyone loves to be appreciated, even God smiles when we say thank you for gifts he has given. So how is it a crime if we also want a little appreciation now and then. Look around you, identify those who have gone out of their way to make you happy.

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And show some kind of appreciation, a thank you very much would go a long way. So stop making excuses, let down your ego and over bossy attitude and appreciate the people who have gone out of their way for you.

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Our failures, our mistakes and our weaknesses are usually at the forefront of our minds. It’s natural and normal to want to improve in the things we do not do well, but our energy would be better spent focusing on the things we do well.

Don’t let what you can’t do hold you back from doing what you can do. In other words set your sail by your strengths.

Embrace your passion and allow your strengths to grow. Your confidence in your abilities will naturally grow as well. Remember stay true to yourself at all times, challenge yourself and show love to everyone. A simple smile to anyone you come across would go a long way, considering how tough the world is right now.

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Lastly start from today to make your happiness your number one priority. Do things that make you happy. Surround yourself with positivity and let go of all the negative thoughts and energy.

Xoxo
Tracy